I Went to Benny Birch’s Birthday and All I Got Was This Lousy Stomach Ache

Who is Benny Birch? That’s the question I had when Sean told me about the long-standing Thunder Bay tradition that is Benny Birch’s Birthday Party.

Not only did I get to meet Benny Birch, but I think he tried to pick me up…like in the romantic way. He didn’t physically try to pick me up. That would have been even more awkward.

For some reason, I thought that Benny Birch was some sort of beloved local hero. Perhaps he was the man who saved a school bus full of children from the raging Kam river or the man who founded one of the local paper mills, but no – Benny Birch is a tree. Boring.

Benny is the mascot for St Joseph’s care group – a collection of medical services in and around Thunder Bay (I think). Every year St. Joe’s hosts a “birthday party” for Benny, which consists of rides, lots of junk food and a few other entertaining tidbits.

At first we thought this guy was picketing, but then we got closer and saw that his sign was advertising raffle tickets. He definitely needed the sign…he was very short.

Sean and I stopped for a while to watch a live band that was playing at the band shell. The band was made up of a bunch of kids and their music teacher playing contemporary rock songs.

I would have had such a crush on these guys when I was 13. Their teacher played the bass for the band and sang like a mom (with anunciation and perfect pitch). They sang “Closing Time”. No, not the Leonard Cohen “Closing Time”, the Semisonic “Closing Time”. Hey…whatever happened to that Leonard Cohen guy? He had a pretty short-lived career, but Semisonic. They really made a name for themselves. Why, just last week they played a big show in Nowhere.

Roarrrrrrr! Lions love T-shirts and cotton candy!!!

Like any local fair, there was a wide assortment of garbage to be bought and eaten. Sean and I started out with Elephant Ears (the T-Bay version of BeaverTails) and sno-cones (lime!!!). Yum-a-zum, zig-a-zig-ahhh!

As I mentioned earlier, I had the pleasure of meeting Benny in person. The man in the Benny costume was definitely elderly and when I asked for a picture, he said “do you think he’d mind if I put my arm around you?” I said no and then he said “If I were [Sean], I wouldn’t let anyone else put his arm around you”. Good thing Sean didn’t seen Benny as a threat to his ownership of me or else someone (Benny) was going to be going through the “wood chipper” (Sean’s ham fists).

As part of the $2 entrance fee for Benny’s Birthday, we got free admission to the local zoo. It was a beautiful day, so Sean and I took a walk through the zoo and peeped at the menagerie.

Bird identification FAIL. The first clue that those aren’t Canada geese is the fact that they’re not shitting all over everything in sight.

Hmmm…what comely beast would eat dog food with fish heads in it?

Why the humble raccoon, of course!!! It wasn’t until the moment I saw the raccoons in the enclosure that I realized there are no raccoons in Thunder Bay. A blessing from Nanabijou.

They have some birds of prey at the zoo. Here’s a red-tailed hawk (I think…bird nerds in the house, can you verify?). It was kind of sad to see the birds in the enclosures. Apparently all the animals were either born in captivity or taken out of a bad situaiton. I hope those birds were somehow rendered unable to fly due to their “bad situations”, because if they still have the ability to fly, caging them seems inhumane.

How many licks does it take to get to the centre of a Tootsie Roll Pop? I yelled that over and over at these owls and they didn’t answer me. Not even once!

Lazy wolves. It was pretty darn hot that day. The wolves were out, but they were sleepy. They’re not quite as majestic when they’re sleeping.

Cougar! This fine feline is also taking a nap. To view some cougars in action, click here.

Sean and I are moose repellent. It’s a proven fact. When we went to Gros Morne national park (the moose capitol of Canada) a couple of years ago we saw no moose. In fact, there were 16 moose/car incidents during the day we spent there and we didn’t even see one. That means that 16 people hit moose with their car that day and we couldn’t even lay eyes on one!!

The day at the zoo proved to be no different. Although supposedly there are moose in one of the enclosures, all we saw was caribou. Cari-boooooooooo! If I wanted to see caribou, I’d look at a quarter.

Another sleeping animal. This one is a red fox. It took a while to spot this little guy. He was sleeping in a shaded area under a little structure.

It wasn’t quite as difficult to spot the arctic fox. Can you see him below?

He was a real cutie pootie

Once we were done at the zoo, we went back to Benny’s party to get a little more garbage to eat. Sean bought some fudge, which was sub-standard. I bought a candy apple, which never disappoints.

Hey!!! Sean ate my candy apple!!

No remorse. Well, to get back at him, I’ve posted the image below. First it starts with sunscreen that is not fully rubbed in, next stop is sandals with black socks. It’s the first leg on a journey toward unhip dad’sville, population: “Sean”.